A Jordanian Man Is In Love With Me…?

KatieKoo Asked: A Jordanian Man Is In Love With Me…?

I have never been the type of woman to hold any prejudices or to even be racist. I grew up having respect for all walks of life. I know I am not the only American to have heard horror stories about Arab men which is why I feel the need to inquire about this in the first place.
We met each other in May of 2011 when I was working in a coffee stand owned by a Jordanian man named Mujahed. When I had expressed that my ex boyfriend and I were separating he thought it would be a good idea for me to meet this other young Jordanian man ( we will call "G") who just came to America to go to school. So from there "G" and I met each other and he is extremely attractive for an Arab. He has beautiful light green eyes and caramel colored skin. His English wasnt great but has progressed positively since then. We started out as just seeing each other every once in a while and then my ex and I got back together for a while until we broke up again August 2011 and "G" and I became closer for about a week. I could tell he liked me more than just a friend and I started to gain feelings for him as well…until I got back together with my ex…again. So, "G" was a little upset but since we didnt get very far he wasnt extremely hurt. Now more recently when my ex and I broke up in mid September I started talking to "G" again and it got pretty hot and heavy and he expressed to me that he was afraid I was going to disappear again. I told him I wasnt…but of course I did. Finally, to conclude the back and forth, my ex and I broke up for the last time at the end of september and "G" is completely still in love with me. No matter how many times I said I would start seeing him but then go back with my ex, hurting him to the point that he had to move from his first home into a new one because he couldnt be in the same room that we were together in, he still wants me. He is always telling me how beautiful I am, he wants to move in with me, he wants to meet my family, he speaks of marriage and children, traveling to Jordan to meet his family…basically so romantic. He treats me the best I have ever been treated. But its still crazy to me that after all I have done to him, he still believes I am his one and only love. Now here is the other thing: the other day when we were hanging out I had the feeling that I needed to ask him what Mujahed, the owner of the coffee stand, told him about me to make "G" come and meet me. Wouldnt you know it, Mujahed told "G" to meet me so that he could marry me for citizenship…!!!!
I was hurt by this because I thought that the owner of the stand and I had a close friendship since I had done so much work for him and we had many deep conversations about the cultural differences and other things about life. And then a part of me was scared of "G" because he was wanting to move so fast with me and I thought that maybe he really was only trying so hard with me so that I would marry him. BUT he did tell me the truth and he was hesitant at first because he knew it would upset me. So I dont really know what I am asking here but I do know that Egyptian men are known for exploiting American women, marrying them for citizenship. I don't know about Jordanian men. I am just pretty cautious because I am the only person I know of in my circle of close friends and family to have gone through something like this and I dont have any one to ask about this. So I turn to the internet where I can hopefully find a Jordanian to answer or an American woman who has gone through something llike this.

BTW not to toot my own horn but I am attractive. So, I believe it when he tells me this and I do have an Arabic appeal. I have big green eyes, fair/olive tone skin, slim, and amazing style.

I just want to know if I should be cautious of a possible situation where he might be using me…I don't know. Some one help please!!!!

Answers:

MoneyMen Answered:
So you both knew that you disagreed on the issue but you chose to NOT resolve it before you got married??Gee, what a shock that it's a problem now.

There's no resolution.One of you will need to give in.Or you can get divorced.



Been There Answered:
Either one of you accepts the other's position, or the relationship ends.

But if she wants to have kids so she won't end up in a nursing home, this is unrealistic.Most households need two incomes to keep going, and there's no time or energy to nurse elderly parents … so the parents go into the nursing home.Also, children often move away for work/jobs and other reasons, and are not around for their parents in their old age.And in some families either the parents or the kids actually disown each other.

Wanting kids so we won't be alone in our old age is a dysfunctional reason for having kids.She should be going to a psychologist to find more-constructive ways to deal with her fear of growing old.And she shouldn't really be thinking about having kids until she has overcome this need, because it will have a negative impact on her ability to be a good parent.

Furthermore, it is not right to have children when you are not yet in a situation to provide well for them.And you two are not in that situation.It is not fair to the kids.



bunnyONE Answered:
This was a MAJOR issue for your wife BEFORE you two married.Though you both have several very SERIOUS obstacles in the way – ANYWAY…

Not being in an economically stablized position.Being overweight, unhealthy-ly so.She's bi-polar as well and has always been?Rather unrealistic of life's expectations (i.e., 10 kids?living on a farm?Disabled and "fearful" of the future?we don't procreate to have children TAKE CARE OF US – EVER!)

Unfortunately, you two went ahead marrying, knowing fully well – the both of you – that you both had different expectations.

Under no circumstances at this time in your lives, should you procreate – you are wise for "getting" that and knowing that, even though you were not up front and married her in spite of this major difference.

"Peacefully" ????You can only gently reason with her, as there are MANY other ways to help children have worthy lives, whether through foster parenting or mentoring children.I don't think she's "well enough" in SEVERAL respects, to be a mother, and I'll be most honest here.She has, some real "baggage".Does she see it?Apparently not.She is being rather self-centered in several respects.

I wish you luck in convincing her that this "ship as sailed" on many levels AND?-That there are many other ways to contribute to a child's life and well being without being a mother, if you open up your world and your heart to the countless opportunities…

Grace



Melpomene Answered:
I think you are being reasonable in not wanting kids until you are financially stable and living in your own place.It is probably decision time now.Decide if you can have kids or not.Let her decide if she can be happy with out kids.If you decide that you do not see yourself ever having kids and she decides that she can not be happy without kids, then the only real solution is a divorce, otherwise someone is going to be bitter and things are going to really sour.Now if you decide that maybe the only thing holding you back is the financial situation, then you can compromise with her.Set a goal for moving out, figure out how to reach that goal, and then promise her that you will have kids once you reach that goal.If she decides that she can be happy without kids, then continue on as you are.Maybe you can foster kids once you get your own place.That way she can nurture kids who need it and you can take a break whenever it gets too overwhelming.



Heres Johnny Answered:
leave the releationship



Clover Answered:
I'd have to side with you on this one.
She is making an emotional decision and you a logical one.
Children are not easy to raise in this day and there is no farm.
Could she be talked into foster care? Sometimes families who start out with foster children end up finding perfect matches and are able to adopt. So many children out there needing loving parents who do not have them, why not help some of those already here?

You don't have to physically give birth to be a real mother to a child.



Godsproblemchild Answered:
One of the things i am wondering about is any medications you both are on…is it safe to get pregnant on these meds?

If we manage to cure Bipolar disorder and Ocd. we will do away with most of the art in the world.
here is a list of famous bipolar people. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_peo
here is a list of famous OCD people. http://www.disabled-world.com/artman/pub

Babies are pretty cool pray about it together he made you the way you are for a reason God does not make mistakes.



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