Adult stepchild wants to move in…?

Shanna Thib Asked: Adult stepchild wants to move in…?

My husband and I have been together for almost 7 years, about two months ago our marriage was on the rocks and we were split up for 3 months or so…ended up working it out for the most part, until now. ( his kids have been a huge issue for our marriage because he sends them large amounts of money and stuff behind my back )We have two daughters ages 2 and 4 and live in a small but comfortable apartment. My husband has two older children ages 21 and 19. The 19 year old girl has major attitude problems, as does the 21 year old son. ( Also along with violent rage issues, drug addiction, high school drop outs and also neither of them hold a job ) I have had a very rocky relationship with my step kids because I refused to let them party constantly and forced them to go to school while they lived with us, so after a year or so the step kids moved back in with their birth mother, because she lets them do whatever like. (Even gets drunk with them and also does not hold a job etc. )

Over the weekend my step daughter call and spoke to my husband ( I was out grocery shopping ) and step daughter told him some twisted story about her boyfriends parents hating her and they are kicking her and her 22 year old boyfriend out of their home. My husband offered for her to move here and also helped her find flight tickets to our town. I have never met her boyfriend and he also does not have a job but supposedly is not working because he is in college.

Because of the substance abuse, violence, disrespect and chaos my step daughter brought into my home in the past, I am absolutely mortified to think she will be moving in again and now also my two toddlers have to ride through the train wreck that is bound to happen. Also her older brother is 100 times worse when it comes to problems will no doubt want to move back home since he is about to be kicked out of his 'home' that he shares with his wife and her parents. ( divorce or splitting up seems to be rapidly approaching for him ) Both step kids have threatened my life, stolen anything they could from me ( cell phones, money, RX pills, jewelry and clothing etc) refuse to help around the home etc etc etc

How do I handle this, do I tell them not to come here even thought they already bought tickets and my husband invited them? Or do I let them come here and be stressed to death until we reach some sort of pre planned move out date?

Answers:

jadamgrd Answered:
They can not be allowed to move in. Period. Tell your husband this is NOT acceptable. Plane tickets be damned.
You may have to take your two kids and go to a relatives to wait it out. Take your valuables as well.



Anya Smith Answered:
Eventually you will need to choose between your life and these step kids. Eventually you will come to the realization that you need to put your foot down. It is YOUR HOME TOO. Eventually you will understand that your husband does not respect you enough to consult you on matters in your own home. I cannot tell you what to do with your life. However, I do know that you have what it takes to say no, and mean it.



Tapan M Answered:
It is nothing but your attitude problem.Satirically saying "You are in the world of Marlboro".You have some misconception about life and its values.You value only external vanity and all.Likewise you just think about you at the time when you came to Dubai.Were you modern that time? You lived in such an atmosphere and you imbibed that mind set.That poor girl she was born and bought up in village.Even if she completed MBA her static nature will not change in one day.Here 100% it is lack of your "Power to adjust", patience and your fake ego that you are modern and all the others are uncouth less barbarians.I pity on you my dear.I am sure that you will definitely have to pay for your unethical and senseless actions.My dear we are all showing all these till our in/out breathing is active.Just remember that "when snake is alive it will eat the ants and when snake dies the ant will eat the snake".

My opinion is love your wife, be patient and instead of pushing her to become modern.Gradually she will learn the things.Since she is educated it will not be a task for her to learn.Think real man.How many of the educated girls in Kerala are fluent in their English.But many of them after coming here, start talking and slowly slowly become pioneers in handling multi languages.In short only your immaturity shows in your letter.Rest of all up to you.



Surettan S Answered:
there is no need of a divorce
u never gave marriage a chance to succeed, u never tried to understand your wife, now u have a child,
u r too fast to have a child, and too slow to try and make your marriage a success
give your marriage another try
work less, spend more time with your family, try to understand women
there is no need to teach your wife modern things, u better learn the value of love, marriage, children, feelings, etc. etc.



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