can i get over my husband’s emotional affair?

Hannah24 Asked: can i get over my husband’s emotional affair?

I have been married for many years to my high school sweetheart.We have had an exceptionally close relationship and called each other "best friend" and "soulmate". While we watched friends and family over the years divorce we prided ourselves that we were 100% committed and faithful to each other and would go to our graves that way. Recently (unfortunately, right before our anniversary) I found an email that my husband had written to my sister, after doing a search of old emails (unable to read the content) I saw what I thought was excessive communication.(my sister is a single parent). I then saw numerous texts messages. At first he told me it was simply related to something that he had been helping her with-he even became very angry at me for considering that he had been unfaithful. She completely denied everything. I told him that I was prepared to hore an investigator to retrieve the content of the emails because I was doubtful and needed to believe him. Soon after he tearfully and emotionally admitted that they he had went over the line in his helpfulness—giving her large amounts of money,. She sent him sexy pictures but he insists that as soon as they were sent they both stopped that and said they felt "wrong" but the "friendship" continued. I cant describe the sadness and pain that this caused me. I belive it was his first and only unfaithful act and I dont want our marriage to end. He told her (in front of me that he confessed everything and that he truly is sorry. He wants more than anything to move forward. I cant understand WHY!! Why my sister,at that? We have an amazing sex life and he says I did nothing wrong…that it was just the dumbest thing he has ever done.He feels I am very beautiful and he never loved her and never wanted a relationship. He was practically suicidal and said he would spend the rest of his life thrying to regain my love, PLease ….offer any suggestions….commentsthank you

Answers:

Van Bo Answered:
Your intentions are the best, and you really have your head on.Talk about it and overcome.There is no such thing as a normal male.He sounds okay.Put your relationship back together and make it work 10 years at a time.It's too good to lose right now, you won't be sorry, having done the "dance".



Ich Ich Answered:
because neda is the epitome of my perversion



Pearl Answered:
If it werent your sister I would say you can.

Or if he had had the guts to confess to you I would say you can.

I'd suggest marriage counselling, normally an affair is the result of a lack in the marriage, the very fact that you suspected enough to snoop tells me that things werent as perfect as you claim.



Adam Answered:
Grow up..he is a man..and whoever came up with this term "emotional affair" should be beaten to death. All that term does is give another mental crutch to weak people. Its called flirting, plain and simple, and no he shouldn't be doing it with your sister.that is messed up..so tell him to either stop or his next trip will be to divorce court.plain and simple.Toughen up chick!Don't be part of the "Pussification" of America.



Merlin Answered:
well i'll give him 10/10 for the emotional blackmail AFTER the fact

NOW he is suicidal
now he is sorry
now he loves you more than life
blah blah blah

those words would fall on deaf ears for me i'm afraid

i'd want to hear what was going through his head
i'd want to know what happened to his love for me through out this
and a million more things besides

bottom line for me would be
he broke my trust
the most sacred thing of all
the fact it was with Your sister makes it even worse

dont make any decisions just now
its all too raw
you will make an emotional decision and nothing more



live life to the fullest Answered:
You know its amazing how easily someone will divorce these days, i am old fashioned though and all he did was maybe flirt, maybe he did have sex with her, but seriously humans are humans and make mistakes sometimes we make huge ones, but we all deserve a second chance. Plus it usually reflects on something lacking in the relationship that he did that in the first place. You have probably been together so long that you have lost the 'spark', so find ways to spice it up or change something. dont take the easy way out and divorce over this.



KateManning Answered:
Your sister owes you an appology that's forsure! Aside from that it takes a lot to get over it and you may need to get some counciling advice during the time its taking to get over it. My husband and I have been through the rollercoaster with eachother having emotional relationships with people from our past. We have moved past it but every once in a while it still gets to us. Especially since we still have friendships with these people. Even though its always been just friendships, we had issues with eachother sharing a connection with anyone else but eachother.

I have alsways left me emails in my inbox for viewing if he has any doubts. I always tell him what I talk to anyone about. He is not as open as me. Its been a real struggle to get him to share anything with me because he was raised in a tight lipped family that just lied to eachother about everything.

Now though I have been able to see that he is clearly not walking out on me at all. There's no time as we are together all the time and our son is 99% of our time. This has made me back off A LOT! Since both of us has just backed off the other and stopped worrying about outside infulences our life is fight free completely. Its so peaceful. We've not fought in over a year. I don't hound him about who he talks to, he doesn't me. Since all of it. I have also noticed that the reappearing ex that he was so close with that I hated has dissappeared from his facebook, his doing on his own. Everytime I told him I wanted her gone, she would reappear.

So, if your going to make a go of it. Seek help to guid you through and the past has to be past.



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