Divorce and Remarriage


Divorce and Remarriage

Divorce and Remarriage

It may seem like the last thing you would want after a split but divorce and remarriage is increasingly the way forward for many of us. After all, few of us want to live our lives alone and the stats show that a significant number of second marriages in the US go on to be long lasting. But divorce and remarriage do require you to do some thinking about how to move on and not to repeat the mistakes that ended your first marriage.


Examining what went wrong with that relationship is the first step to ensuring your second bite at the cherry is much more successful. No one is blameless when a relationship ends so be honest with yourself about your behaviour and what part it played in the break-up so you don’t make the same mistakes twice.


Honesty is also important when it comes to your new partner. Share your feelings, hopes and fears for the future with them and encourage them to do the same with you. You can gain a new maturity from this process because you’re each laying bare your emotions and trusting the other to treat you with care, love and consideration. It might even be worth going into premarital counselling where an objective observer can help you process any lingering doubts or anxiety about this new relationship and help you move on from the past.


If you have children, their feelings are crucial when it comes to divorce and remarriage. No matter what age your offspring are and how well they seem to have adjusted to the divorce, they are often upset at the very idea of a parent marrying someone else. Talk candidly with them about your feelings for your new spouse and be prepared to compromise over the date of any wedding if that’s what it takes to bring them round to the idea.


As many relationships flounder over money and the lack of transparency when it comes to finances, talk openly about the subject. Many divorced parents in particular have child support payments to take into consideration, which may cause some resentment from a new partner. Don’t let rows over money wreck your chances of a happy future. Divorce and remarriage doesn’t stand much chance if jealousy exists.


If your new relationship follows on quickly from the last one, do try not to fall into your first marriage’s old habits. Create new routines for you and your partner, and as your social circle will probably have changed and widened as a consequence of divorce and remarriage, widen it further by making new friends who know you only as a couple.


Not everyone, of course, goes straight from divorce into a new relationship or marriage. You may be single for some time before meeting the new love of your life and so you will have to adjust to coupledom again. That might mean biting your tongue when lifting wet towels from the bathroom floor or gritting your teeth on discovering no one has bothered to change broken light bulbs, but do it for the sake of your new spouse. There is no magic wand to wave to ensure your new relationship will last a lifetime, but divorce and remarriage can be the making of many couples – all it takes is the desire to be happy together.