Ex Wife and Boundaries?
Vonang Asked: Ex Wife and Boundaries?
Here we go. I am a confident, good looking, smart, secure woman.I've been involved with men who have ex spouses and children together.These experiences have always been–you have your life, I have mine.I see you to pick up my children and that's it.Currently I've been involved with a man for 6 months (who is constantly talking about marriage with me) who has a 5 year old and 6 year old with his ex wife.They've been separated for 1.5 years and divorced for 10 months.I have issue with the amount of time he spends around her.He hangs out at her house to see his kids when he could just pick them up virtually anytime to hang out with them.He is still involved with his ex's other kids from a previous marriage, they are friends on facebook, he comments on her posts, she calls him being needy all the time (my car broke down, sink is plugged, etc…) he goes over to feed her dog when she's out of town and all kinds of other random stuff.I spend time with his kids with him but I've never been asked to go with him to pick them up or hang out with them when she's around.Now, I know it's good for them to remain civil and I would never interfere with that, but this "other" stuff makes me incredibly uncomfortable and I've told him that him and his semi-ex, needy wife is a deal breaker for me.So now instead of him telling me what he's doing when the kids are involved I believe his with holding or lying by omission.I am trying to work through my insecure feelings about this and largely it's her I don't trust–not so much him.So, my question is… Should i just back the hell off and let him do as he wishes without interfering or voicing my concerns? Or are my instincts correct in that this is crossing the line in his new relationship with me?I am in huge amounts of turmoil over this and don't know weather to cut it loose or fight it out to get my way.
Kids are involved, he and his ex wife aren't over each other so I'd leave and tell him if he ever wants me, all he has to do is give up his ex wife.Are you sure they're truly divorced?
You can't set any boundaries.The boundaries are his to set with his ex, but he has clearly made the decision that there aren't going to be any.
You know deep down that's never going to change, so unless you want to be married to this guy and his ex-wife, you need to start thinking about moving on.
I wouldn't date him anymore let alone marry him. He isn't over his ex and his kids need him.
Cut your loses and get away from him.
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