How do I help my girlfriend sort her issues out with her dad?

Anon Asked: How do I help my girlfriend sort her issues out with her dad?

My girlfriend (20 years old) is having problems resolving issues with her dad. My girlfriend's dad had an affair about 4 years ago. I only started dating her 8 months ago. Her parents have not 'formally' divorced as it is complicated but they are separated. Her dad is a good guy and I don't think he means harm, but he shows little respect for his daughter in the manner in which they speak on email and occassionly in person. My girlfriend and her mom recently found out that the affair DID actually happen (they were never sure of the affair, and it was the dad who asked for the seperation) as she heard a conversation over the phone with her dad and the other woman, but he still denies the affair and says she is overexaggerating. She feels that she has been lied to for 4 years now as he has often made excuses as to where he's been (and lied about it, even though her parents are seperated) and now that the affair is confirmed, she is expecting an apology for the lies and hurt he's caused her. He still maintains contact with her, although not much, but there is always petty fights between them over texts and emails. She means no disrespect, just wants to mend the relationship with him, but he seems to think he can avoid the DMC (deep meaningful convo) with her and expect everything to be fine. She has morals and does not feel it is right to just brush it under the carpet. Her sisters are telling her that their dad is 'just like that' and she must accept him for who he is, but she just won't.

He lives in another city and I've only been in his company on few occassions when he's been around. I feel the need to email him (in the most respectful manner of course) to explain how hurt his daughter is, but I am affraid it is not a clever action on my part. She often cries after his responses to her messages as they are never 'father-like' and sometimes hurtful. He has even told her that she needs to get over the petty nonsense, which is obviously not petty and she just can't. He seems so careless about their relationship, yet at the same time congratulates her on her accomplishments. I really need some advice to help their relationship as it seems her family is not really helping? I would greatly appreciate it.

Answers:

LINDA W Answered:
Commitment. Marriage is hard work. Sometimes I love him and sometimes I don't and I know he feels the same. Marriage isn't fun all the time. You have to take the ups and the downs just like everything else in life.
But we have each other and know we can rely on each other when the going is tough.



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