I think I love my husband as just a friend. What should I do?

Nicki Asked: I think I love my husband as just a friend. What should I do?

My husband and I have been married for a year and a half and do not have any children.He was the first person I ever dated and I believe perhaps because of that, I mistook a deep friendship connection for love and ended up marrying him.I thought there was physical attraction as well because we couldn't keep our hands (and other body parts) off of each other before we were married and for a couple of months after our wedding.Now, only a year and a half later, when most couples are just coming out of the honeymoon phase, we honestly only have sex about twice a month.This is not because he doesn't want to; it's because I don't want to and always come up with an excuse not to when he tries (which I know is terrible).I feel like I am having sex with a friend, not a lover; and on top of this (and probably because of it) I am not sexually satisfied by our relationship.This has also lead to other problems on my end, like wanting to flirt and get close with other guys, which makes me feel like a whore, but I know it's because I am not sexually satisfied within my marriage.Another element that adds to my desire to flirt with other guys is the fact that I am only 22 and if I wasn't already married, that's what I would be doing.To add further to all of this, now that we are married, I am realizing he is so opposite of my personality that he drives me insane a lot of the time – an issue that did not come into play when we were just friends – which, I'm sure, contributes to my lack of physical attraction to him.Should I express all this to him, break his heart, and – knowing him – send him into a depression for a chance at ultimately piecing our relationship back together, even though I am not attracted anymore?Should I express all this to him as an intro to telling him I think we shouldn't have gotten married and we should go our separate ways?Or should I be happy that I feel a deep friendship connection to someone who wanted to marry me and just enjoy that, giving up the hope of finding a man who compliments my personality more and for whom I have a passionate sexual desire?

Answers:

zoom Answered:
He should dump you!



Liz Answered:
First of all let's talk vows " for better or worse til death do you part".
Second if he doesn't know something is wrong how is he going to change or fix it?
Third the age you got married at is irrelevant you made a serious commitment, you need to do something to own up to it.
Fourth being married to your best friend is the best thing in the world, because someday you are both gonna be old, and someday sex won't matter, and someday all you will want is your best friend to hang out with until " death do you part"

He needs to know what's going on, and if you really are best friends he will understand and want to do nothing but work on this problem with you after all he made the same promises to you.



Pete Answered:
I think that you should see a marriage counselor before you decide to go through with a divorce, or even before you verbalize to him what you have here.

My friend's wife was 22 when they got married, he was 30, and she kind of flipped a little after the wedding saying that it was a mistake, that she didn't get to date enough, and so on, but they saw someone and worked it out, they have 2 kids now and are one of the strongest couples that I know.

Marriage is about working at it when you want to throw in the towel. You made a commitment to try until you fail.



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