I’m getting married but I still have feelings for my ex, who is my best friend?

Church Asked: I’m getting married but I still have feelings for my ex, who is my best friend?

Firstly. lets go back to how it all began…

I have known my ex ever since we got to know each other at a party 6 years ago. She was 19 and I was 23. We hooked up and she was my first ever serious girlfriend and I was hers. I learnt to love and be loved by her. I was in Uni at that time I gave myself a plan to get a good degree and aspire to support her one day and be her life partner and all. However, things took a little twist coming into our 4th year in our relationship – she got her priorities all his mixed up. She started to find petty small mistakes abt me and eventually broke up with me. I told her why was she doing this to me when I love her so much and I had a plan for our future. She claimed that she's still too young to be in a serious relationship and besides im only her first. It was heart breaking. I went through hell and back for 2 months to get her back but she was adamant in breaking up that I had to let her go eventually.

I went thru depression in my final year of my Uni but i still stuck in cos im not gonna put my studies to waste due to a heart break. Thats when I met my current gf. She is like an angel that slips on heaven's floor and came into my life. She's in the same Uni as me and we were friends at first before I started to realise that she has a liking for me. She takes good care of me and was always there for me. I like her but at the back of my mind my feelings for my ex still stays strong. The next thing I know, i heard rumors that my ex has moved on with someone new. i was sad but at the same time happy for her that she is happy. I told myself to move on and chose what's best for me at that time. I chose my current gf. She seems so patient and calm eventhough she knows I still have my ex at the back of my mind. I appreciate her and I realise that she became my pillar of strength in my final Uni year and eventually I graduated and landed my dream job. I was thankful to God that he has given me a new reason to live.

But deep down inside i kept holding on to my old plans… to my dreams of being with my ex. All the earnings that i got from my current job could be saved up for all those plans with my ex, had she just stick to me.

my gf and I were together for a year plus before we decided to get engaged. It was a small affair.. and with that… saving up for my big marriage comes into the agenda. Funnily, i told myself to have closure on my thoughts of my ex bcos i cant be feeling this way till im married! i need to stop. so i contacted my ex. I told her that I have put our past behind us and im happy for her. we decided to have coffee and talked. It has been 2 years since we last met and she still look as stunning as ever. she talked abt her current bf while i talked abt my fiancee. it was heart warming to be in touch with her again, although she didnt tell me much in the first meeting.

subsequently, we contacted once a while to catch up late into the night cos that's the time we're free from our partners. i do not want my fiancee to feel insecure for no good reason and with all the marriage plans and savings up and running. i treated my ex like a bestfriend cos she know me inside out, my weakness and strength and amazingly she still do remember the things i like.

its been a year since we contacted back and im getting all excited with my wedding in few months' time. my fiancee knows that im in touch with my ex and she doesnt seem to be affected. my ex confide in me when things are tough for her cos her current bf has anger management issues. he literally beats her up over the smallest of things and i do pity her at times. i told her to leave her and find someone better but she claimed that she has learn a lot from our break up and she will continue to fight for it and change him for the better. sometimes i ended up quarelling with her because she was heartless enough to leave me for another guy when i had never abuse her physically back then. Yet now she is making an effort for this type of abusive jerk. It hurts me deeply to see her this way. I sent her to the doc at times to pay for her medical expenses. She confessed that she regretted letting me go. I still do have feelings for my ex but i cannot hurt my fiancee. She has never done anything wrong for me to hurt her.

We continue to keep in touch and meet. We are like bestfriends, with her giving me advices in my relationship while i constantly tell her to leave her guy. Sometimes it seems just like the old times when I was together with my ex and I could just hug her and spend countless hours w her. But I have an engagement ring in my finger with a different name on it and I cant do all that anymore. It hurts especially when we start talking abt our good old times and our dreams. I know that one day this will all come to an end and I cant meet my best friend anymore once im married or she's married.

The mere thought of living a life without my ex hurts me till now. =(

Answers:

Minya Answered:
don't get married



mbkissyface Answered:
If you really love your fiance and want to be with her exclusively for the rest of your life, you have to break ties with your ex.If you don't, it will become one of two things:1. an affair or 2. a point of contention between you and your wife. Neither of these things will be good for your marriage.

If you still have feelings for the ex that make you reconsider your marriage plans, then you should not get married.Your bride wants you all to herself, no matter what she says to you about this ex.She does not want to share you in any way, emotional or physically.

If you choose your fiance, break all ties with the ex.Otherwise, don't get married.



bonn Answered:
As long as you have intimate/personal feelings or interest for the ex you shouldnt get married.



Katie Answered:
DO NOT GET MARRIED. The only reason you don't want to break it off with this girl is because you don't want to hurt her. But your hurting yourself by not being honest with your feelings and you'll eventually hurt her if you ever do. Talk to your ex, tell her your getting cold feet and feel something for her. If she refuses you prolong your engagement and get over her. If she still wants you break it off with the fianc. She wouldn't want you to marry her if she knew you loved someone else or were even thinking if someone else.



kathy b Answered:
If you have not given your whole heart to your fiance then I think you are not being fair to her.I feel in my opinion you should not marry her until you work thru all those old feelings.It may not bother your fiance cus she trusts you.Time to figure out what you want.



Sectas Answered:
I agree with the others. This is tough. You have to pick one otherwise things will turn out terrible for you. 🙁 good luck with everything



Ashley Answered:
I know exactly how you feel, I was struggling w/ something similar to this situation…but all I can say is be faithful the devil will do anything to distract you….a ex, is a EX for a reason its not worth it. Trust me you'll be hurting a lot of ppl.



OnTheCouch Answered:
I understand that you don't want to hurt your fiance, but you need to think about this:she deserves to be loved as deeply and passionately as you love your ex.How sad would it be forher to go her entire life never being loved like that.Let her go, so that she can find what's best for her, because right now all you're thinking about is what's best for you.That's not fair at all.



Mike Answered:
Don't get married if you think you love some one else. Other wise you will soon be a part of the divorce statistic.



M S Answered:
long but sad story!
your ex DUMPED you, you got depressed, God sent you an angel-like, you are humiliating her!!!
whyyyyy?!!!!!!
stop talking to your ex, or, stop the wedding, you sound like you do NOT deserve her



straightup Answered:
don't get married then. you're obviously not emotionally ready. be honest and let you fiance know what's going on. the truth will set you free!



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