Is She Cheating on Me?

tabavadelpa Asked: Is She Cheating on Me?

I put this in the marriage & divorce category because I want an adults advice rather than some teenager.I am 31 years old and my girlfriend is 28. I'm disappointed in myself that I am turning to the Internet for advice, but I don't know where else to seek an impartial view without damaging her reputation.I really believed that she is the one I would propose to.I have been saving up for a ring for the past few months.Her family adores me, and mine her.Everything seems perfect except for that one guy "friend."

She was friends with him, well before I met her.They would go out quite often in a larger group, or sometimes just the two of them.When I first met her, she told me that really wasn't talking to him at the moment because of his attitude.If you met him, you would certainly agree that it needs an adjustment.After dating for a few months she said that they worked everything out and became friends again.At this point I was without any concerns, it seems natural right?Well upon them becoming friends again he would stay over her house after a night at the bar quite often.

For a period of time she and her friends would go out almost weekly.During that time she was always the last person at the bar with him, and he would end up crashing at her place.Per her story, "He would end up getting really drunk, and she didn't want him driving home."To me that is something that should happen occasionally if necessary, but not frequently.This continued for a period and I finally said something.I told her that I foundit inappropriate that he was staying over her house all of the time.I told her that her relationship with him is shady and she needs to be more respectful.

During this period our relationship hit rock bottom.I wasn't happy neither was she.We weren't making an effort for each other anymore.I finally asked her, "Do you think there is anything left in this relationship?"She told me that she was feeling the same way as me.I expressed my problems with her friendship with this guy, and told her how it was affecting us.She took the stance that she believes friendships are genderless, and that she doesn't see how her behavior with him is inappropriate.She agreed to be careful with this.Two weeks later while talking her she told me that she ended her friendship with him.I didn't ask for that, but will absolutely admit that I was 100% relieved.I said to myself at that time, we just got passed the honeymoon phase of our relationship, whatever happened in the past is now irrelevant.I let it go, and we were really happy and in love.

I get a text from her about 3 weeks ago that said, "Talk about a blast from the past, "……" just texted me and wants to grab a drink sometime.What are your thoughts?"I told her, "Well you know my feelings on this, why ask."She then responded, "I'm actually most interested in hearing how miserable his life has been and then tell him how great mine has been with the perfect guy."I asked her why she was trying to sell this to me like some fool.I asked her why she would make someone that is just a friend jealous.She never came up with a response that satisfied me as to her motives for doing so, she just denied that she was selling this.We fought and we resolved it finally.She saw my side of it, and realized her relationship was inappropriate, and she would not go out for that drink because I am far more important than him.But she also contended my jealousy was misplaced.

Last weekend, she seemed apathetic toward me.It seemed like she was just bored with me.Tuesday I asked her if she really wanted this; which turned into an argument.She's in a bad place right now from her job situation.She said, "I'm in a bad place right now, this isn't a fair time to ask."I said this is a simple question, "Yes or No." She said yes, but i'm really pissing her off and she didn't want to talk then.This reminded me of the earlier months when she was hanging out with this guy.

It finally came to it, I went through her phone.Right or wrong I did it.She initiated a text series with an unnamed number that within it stated, "Stop your begging i'll go grab that beer with you.Let's go Tuesday or Wednesday." By the language used I'm certain it is him.She before told me that he was begging her to get that drink.As I explained in the previous paragraph that very night she seemed apathetic and wasn't sure if I was what she really wanted.

She went away for a week to help her family.Upon her return, I plan to admit that I went through her phone and confront her with her seeing this guy.Before I do so, I need to know whether or not in any way my suspicions are reasonable.I've talked with a woman about this, and she agrees there is


Bikileaks Bangladesh Answered:
i think she is not cheating on you. please have patience and observe her more.
you will be able to see what is really happenig with her.

Forgotten one Answered:
Male Friend= RED FLAG

Brigette Answered:
It is inappropriate going out for drinks with another guy,
ask her if she would like it if you went out with another
girl. I left a guy because he would still see his ex all
the time, and he even used her up against me. Its like
he is a child playing games. I would not accept it,
unless she invited you, then it would be okay, if she
did it behind your back that is deceiving and now you
have lost trust in her, she created that.

I would not trust someone like that, i have one male
friend i can trust but we only talk on the phone
occasionally every couple of months. I know how it
feels like it is awful, and i lost trust for the guy i was
with because of his ex.

Say you either make a choice him or me this is having
a negative effect on our relationship. Every action has
an reaction. I did that and guess what he chose the ex,
even though she is with someone else figure that one out.
He was 31 so he ended up with no one, i guess he did not
like me.

For your own sake stop it, she would not like it if you had a female friend
and did that to her seriously. No one dos. She is not respecting your relationship.

a3wishz Answered:
ok this is going to end up in cheating if it hasnt happen yet they cant seem to keep each other away at a distance its like fire being lit only time it will turn into a bonfire your not wrong tell her she needs to stop being friends with this guy if she cant keep her distance what kind fo male friend sleeps over at her /friends house who has a bf maybe she wants u to propose marriage to her try to make u jealous

Brittany Answered:
Caveat: You didn't say how long you've been together or how long she's been friends with the guy. This info could totally change my answer.

But, if you've been together for at least five years and she's been friends with the guy for 10 we'll say…

I don't think she's physically cheating on you, but there does seem to be some kind of emotional affair with this guy. It could truly be harmless play, but your desire for her to be content with your relationship is fair.

This guy probably does things you don't, that make her feel good. (No offense)

If he's not gay (or afraid to admit he is), he's definitely looking for more than friendship. I have male friends, but they are categorized and my husband knows and/or is friends with them too. Friends at work, friends of my husbands, my gfriends husbands, acquaintances at church, my gay friend (lol), none of them are "crash at my place" friends. Admittedly, i've been with my husband since high school and was never a party girl, but there are certain things that you give up for the promise of a relationships future.

By the way, my husband says…the drinking buddy should be the exception to the rule, not the general rule 🙂 & we're your age if that helps.

Good luck!

Tara Answered:
(Men don't want kids only some) …. 99 % of the men that I know, DOES want kids at some point in their life.

(Men love to cheat) …..NOT ALL men cheat .. some men love & respect the woman they are with .. and they want to keep it that way

(Women want men who are bad boys and treat them like crap) ……Definitely disagree with this one .. lots of women don't want the bad boy .. even though some women do want them … I would not put up with a bad boy for 5 minutes … the man I have is ALL man in every way, it's been said by many others that he's a 'mans man' … but he is not the jerk that most bad boys are

(Women are bored and want to be loved by a man telling her she looks good) … lots of women do not have to have this … a lady knows if she looks good, or not .. a woman who knows she looks good, knows it, and often does not ever have to be told

(It all stops during relationships and marriage give it three months and hell breaks loose)… not true .. it can grow into a deep beautiful relationship … it's great to be in a crowded room, look across the room and see them, and know what they are telling you by the look in their eye … relationships can grow warmer, closer, more intense on an exciting level .. more valuable than anything .. money can not buy it …

(Then you have those who are married and fight or have family issues) ….every family, every person has them .. but the beauty of it is being able to work through them together – and to know what a great strength it is that you all posses to do this ….

(who needs to cook, clean who does not do this or that) .. if this type of thing would cause a divorce or strife – then yeah, no one could get along with anyone who had a problem not solving this type of petty stuff .. I mean, come on now – if a person is going to divorce over something, let it be something BIG ..

(who checks this one out) …. if there is no trust, there is nothing … it's human nature to look – it's the touching and following it up that's a no-no .. think about it like this, if a person was not interested in human beings, they would not be with you to start with … ..

(who is not getting attention.. who seeks attention outside the marriage) … personal, petty things to destroy a relationship — unless, one of them carry this out to a major, major level ….

(BOY its a lot of drama just to be love) … marriage is hard work .. sometimes .. sometimes, when 2 people are in sync, it not hard …love is beautifu if it's handled with real love, kindness, thoughtfullness, honestly, loyalty, from each partner ..

(Then in the end.. LOve never lasts.._ … oh yes, it can last – and often does last forever.

(Then you die.) .. everybody's gonna do it.It's a choice of what you want to do inbetween the years that count.

(Then to top it all off you speak to women that have been married all their lives.. their husband passes away.. you ask are you going to get another boyfriend or man.. they say hell no who wants to take care of a man and go thru the drama again.. sad) …. not always true.Some women recall the memories of a life lived with the man she loved .. she will weep because she wants him back … she would not replace a single second of living with him … no greater love did she ever know .. she will talk about him with a twinkle in her eye — and she would not dream of ever trying to replace him, or the memory of him .. she had a lifetime of love, memories .. and no regrets

Day does not happen that we all don't need each other

What matters

is that one day it will all come to an end

there will be no more sunrises

no seconds, no minutes, no hours, no days

the sun won't shine

the moon won't glow

it won't matter what you owe

or what you owed

the wins and loses

that were once so important

will fade away

your grudges, inspirations, frustrations

will expire

it won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant

or what side of the track you came

what will matter is not your success

but your significance

what will matter is every act of integrity, compassion,

courage or sacrifice that enriched,

empowered, or encouraged others

living a life that matters

doesn't happen by accident

it happens by choice

All that really matters is God

And in the end, all that really matters is when you stand before God and He opens the book of YOUR life – and we answer for every second ..

The only thing that counts is God, and our relationship to HIM.

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