Mother won’t get over divorce, what to do?

Cj M Asked: Mother won’t get over divorce, what to do?

My mother and father were married for a long time. My father cheated on my mother and they got divorce, mind you the marriage was over way before then. It has been 8 years and my mother is still not over it. I have been patient as much as i can with her, but I am about done with it. My brother wants to get married in Gatlinburg this winter and he asked my mother if she would go if dad went and she said no. I have a son who is about to have a birthday party and I asked if dad came would she and she said no. That pretty much put the icing on the cake. I have been back and forth with my mother. I am pretty much the type of person and that will tell you like it is and I have told her that she is putting us in the middle of it and making us choose between her and my father. I am closer to my mother than i am my father. My father has made mistakes and he wasn't really close to me when I got older but he is trying to be a better person now and make up for it, so I can't really push him aside. I am at my wits end, My son is very close to his grandfather, but I want my mother to go too. Any suggestions?

Answers:

Violet Answered:
Your mother has legitimate reasons not to want to be around your father.Respect her and don't force her to do something she doesn't want to do.Special occasions mean more to women anyway, men really couldn't care less.



Vicky Lovers Answered:
I completely disagree with Violet. Your mother may have reason to stay away from your father but no one is asking her to go there to be with him. Shes an adult! She needs to grow up. It's her sons wedding and grandsons birthday. you say you tell it like it is so just tell her…mom I'm inviting dad and if you want to miss your grandsons birthday because of him you'll be the only one missing out! And your brother should say the same and thats that. My parents got divorced a few years ago and my mom is the same. She gets way ticked off whenever we do anything with him. Mind you they were separated for 2 years before and it ended because of my mother. She was the cheater.



ladytrips Answered:
She old enough kick her out!!! Tell her she can no longer stay there cause your manager already found out she is staying there and is limited only for 3 ppl and that she needs to leave otherwise u are going to get kick out too… Help her find a room.to rent



High off air Answered:
You should tel her to leave:
1. because if she's ungrateful for you taking her in when she had nowhere else to go, then there's no point for you to waist you're time on her
2. I don't think it's a good idea to have your daughter around her, because your sister can be a bad influence (not to sound mean)

just tell her that she's overstayed her welcome ,and that she should leave. Good Luck!



PersuAsian Answered:
ugh there's always one of those in every family arent there??? anyways she's gotta learn a tough lesson and it looks like you're at a position right now to teach it to her



Diana Answered:
Honey, you are her enabler!She is using you like a pair of crutches to hold her up.You've tried to help her but nothing is going to get accomplished unless SHE wants it too.Give her 30 days to get a job, any job, full or part-time.Let her know if she doesn't get one, she's OUT!It's called tough love.Now, she knows the game plan.If she does nothing to get a job at the end of those 30 days pack her bags and put them on the porch because you will then know for sure that nothing is ever going to change and she will take you down with her!It's okay to feel sorry for someone but it is NOT okay for them to take advantage of your feelings!



Judith Answered:
Your heart is in the right place, unfortunately, your sister isn't going to change just because you felt sorry for her.She's in a bad rut, and all your kindness will only get you kicked in the face for your trouble.She needs to find the fall, and fall hard, with no one to pick her up but herself and God.

You, on the other hand, seem to have a bit more to lose, with your husband and child around.You need to think of them now.You see that your kindness has been thanked for with no thanks.So you need to step up and tell her to leave.Back it up, kick her out.If she doesn't leave call the police and have her removed.

There are shelters for homeless people.There are shelters for addicts.There are shelters for wayward girls and battered women.She will fnd a place to stay somewhere.She will get along.She may not talk to you again for years, maybe.That will give you enough time to raise your child, have a life with your husband and family.



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