Some relationship advice?

Spicebabie Asked: Some relationship advice?

Okay! my boyfriend got his green card and went to the States in June, he said he hasn't gotten it yet so he can't come back until he does, we're in September, and my friend got through and got hers within a month, does it take different time for different people?

Anyway, my boyfriend has 2 kids, one went up with him, and the other is just the age of our relationship (3 years old), apparently he didn't tell me until we were very much in love (you know how it is, inseperable, when you've started) and way into the relationship already, because he didn't want to lose me (he said).He says that she left him for someone else, she's living with the man, but pregnant.All along I thought I was going to give this fella his first baby.It destroyed me, our relation is the only long-term relationship i've been in, but definitely not the first person i've loved, it's just that because of my christian home, I couldn't go on with the kind of fellas I chose.

However, since after finding out about (kids), we had arguments quite a bit because of circumstances that showed itself concerning his baby-mamas and kids (yep, two different girls) but he's desperate to keep me, despite me trying to end it a few times.He's a very nice person and often said he'she know he's found a 'good' thing and would do everything to make it work and if he could change his past he would.

I need some advice on how to deal with step-kids and what to expect, what was your experience, and if I should really step into marriage with him, his 2 kids and baby-mamas-drama! I'm 24 and he's 31. Please tell me the worst that can happen with me in the middle there!!!!!

Answers:

Diogenes Answered:
Two different children from two different women, he didn't tell you about them until after you were already deep in the relationship.Those are some key indicators right there that he's a player.It sounds like he manipulated you.

Yes, green cards potentially take different amounts of time depending on the situation of the person/people involved, and the mounds of bureaucracy we have here in the U.S.That said, I'm not sure what you mean by he "got his green card" or "he can't come back until he does."That's a bit confusing.

This sounds like a bad situation waiting to get worse.You should probably get away from him while you still have time to extricate yourself from the potential mess.



Pyre Answered:
I agree with Diogenes.

He cheated on two different girls. Do u really think that he won't cheat on u?

He probably said the same thing to those other girls. Don't let yourself become like them.

I'm a player and, though I'm female, I recognize the signs of a manipulative man who just wants in your pants and someone to take care of his two kids while he goes romping around with some other poor gal. I have played this game before.

Let him go.



Jessica Nacirema Answered:
They say that, but they don't usually leave. Once you're in love it's hard to leave.

I will say, if a man gained a lot of weight I'd be angered.It's unattractive, unhealthy, and a CHOICE. 15 lbs isn't so bad.30 is.



Kathryn Answered:
What if she gets pregnant???



King Zodiac Answered:
MADGE PIE- Not really darling. But let me ask you this.How much pounds do YOU weigh ?



scabs Answered:
we cater to the stupid people enough as it is. theres no need for any more common sense laws. personal accountability is necessary for growth and nature does a good job on its own of weeding out the weakest links.



sam Answered:
I actually think it should be expressed as a percentage, rather than a fixed number of pounds.The law should be fair to big-boned women, and should accommodate a small but healthy gain for pregnancy plus increased breast size for feeding the previous child.



Gender Stu Answered:
I think 50% of women married to men with big guts don't want to have sex with them.

That's what I think.



better than a stick in the eye Answered:
I personally think that is f***ed up I am a big girl and there are guys that like big girls…. it is a proven fact which I learned in school everyone that is skinny will gain weight due to the fact they think they can eat everything and when you get older your metabolism will slow down and they think they can still eat whatever they want and gain weight due to that…. that is no reason for a divorce men need to grow up if they think that



Brittany Answered:
''Should there be a law requiring married women to stay within 15 lbs of their wedding day weight?''
NO

''Do you condone their decision?''
IT'S NOT MY BUSINESS.

''So much for til death do us part..''
YES, TELL THAT TO WOMEN WHO FILE FOR DIVORCE. OUT OF 100 DIVORCES, 77 ARE FILED BY WOMEN.

''Do you think that something about a woman's weight should be incorporated into wedding vows?''
NO

''Do you think that weight gain is viable reason for divorce''
OBVIOUSLY, NO FAULT DIVORCE, REMEMBER.

''…and should the man be compensated, with the woman's assets, in the divorce settlement since it's her fat fault the marriage ended?''
NO.

ANYTHING ELSE…



Beer 30 Answered:
Sure, if they make a law that says the man must stick to all the bullshyt he sold us, to get us to marry them

🙂



lyssa Answered:
That's a loaded question – "gained weight" is a very non-detailed term. If we're talking 5 or 10 lbs over the course of 10 years, I would imagine most men could care less. If we're talking 30 or 40 lbs in a year, then that's a different story – something is wrong there.

I'm getting married in a few weeks, and I obviously don't expect my future wife to look the same in 10 years that she does today, and I'd imagine she thinks the same. However, there's a difference between putting on a little weight and putting on dangerous weight – if you gain 30% more weight in a short period of time, not only is it unhealthy, but there is more than likely a reason for it (depression, stress, etc.). I'd be concerned about her health and well being – not just physical, but mental as well. I'm not saying I'd leave her, but I'm saying that I'd think there was some sort of a problem, and I would want to fix it.

I don't think it's unrealistic to expect your spouse to maintain a healthy weight – I'm not saying they have to have a six pack, but you need to make sure you stay healthy. My expectations aren't because I just "want a hot wife", but you need to think of your family. Unhealthy parents lead to unhealthy kids – if you're outside chasing your kids around a couple hours a day, and serving them a well-balanced, healthy dinner, don't you think that kid's going to be healthier than Timmy Johnson down the street whose parents feed him fast food every meal and let him play xbox all day? Your kids look up to you, and if their mom feeds them junk and never exercises, that kids going to have weight issues because they won't know any better.



Savannah Answered:
There is a simple solution…when they go out to eat he orders a salad for her every time.



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