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How long can postpartum depression last and what are common symptoms?

LeftBehind2Scar Asked: How long can postpartum depression last and what are common symptoms?

My wife and I started a family real young. When we first met, she was in college and I had a decent paying job. Because we were madly in love, after only 2 months of dating she quit college and moved 2 hours south of her hometown to live with me in an apartment. 1 month later we found out she was pregnant (2 months along) and that's when our relationship changed dramatically. We had our first kid when I was 20 and she just turned 21. We had our second when I was 24 and she was 25. Today, I am 29 and my wife is 30. I'm really worried about my wife's addiction of (dependence on) the children and I need your advice if it's a valid concern and if any of you have went through what I'm about to say. The more I read about it, the more it sounds like postpartum depression that just never went away from my first child's birth.

My wife is very avoidant when it comes to our marriage. When there's a conflict, she either wants to not resolve it (talk in circles to avoid progress or argue about petty things to distract me) or she wants to end the marriage entirely and claims she "never loved me"… I can't deal with unresolved conflict; not to mention emotional abuse when she threatens divorce to end an argument and sweep it under the rug.

My children are virtually smothered. When she sits on the couch to watch a movie, she has raised the children (9 and 5) to sit next to her and cuddle her while watching it. If the children (normally my 9 year old) don't react this way at first, she will call them over for "cuddle time".

My wife also controls what the kids do outside of school. I don't know if this is normal, but my wife wants to have the kids do lots of activities after school because she wants them to be exposed to many things. Cub scouts, soccer, karate, dance, daisy scouts, swimming… Mind you, we can't afford all these things, but her girlfriends (Moms that are 5 years or older than her) can so she tries to put the kids in classes that these women put their children in so they can "socialize".

Intimacy with her is a joke. I can't discuss our future together (only her future without me). I can't discuss sex because she is not comfortable with her sexuality still (not my fault, apparently some kids played "doctor" with her and made her feel uncomfortable). I can't talk about my feelings and the marriage. But what I *CAN* talk about is the children, her work, and family vacations she wants to take the kids on…

On Facebook, she is a very politically correct poster. She doesn't post ANYTHING except news about her kids and pictures of the kids (none of me – no exaggeration either). On my Facebook, she will try to tell me what is "appropriate" to post online and what isn't; so I've retorted to posting pictures of myself, the kids, and just playing games online since I can't enjoy having a Facebook like everyone else…

Now, I'm currently a stay at home dad (I lost my job that supported the family and because of a major back injury and because I have NO college education, I'm without work). When I was working, the house was NEVER clean; she spent all her time devoted to the children and set the expectations of attention REALLY high for me when I came home. I'm not one to have a dirty house; even though my spine is fractured and I have arthritis (with no pain meds), I still try to have the house perfect but equally give the kids attention when they ask for it. But because of her conditioning, the kids want attention ALL THE TIME!!!

Now, my son and I have ADHD. This complicates the matters more because my wife doesn't understand that it's a result of slow brain development and always being 3 to 5 years behind the development of other people their age; she's convinced it's a result of bad parenting and not enough discipline (which is NOT true). And here's the kicker, my son didn't start showing signs of ADHD (in her eyes) until I was an at home dad… So she's blaming ME for his ADHD and his difficulties in school…

I don't know, can someone analyze this post and tell me if it sounds like postpartum depression? Or is it bipolar? Or is it PTSD?

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Posted by admin - November 1, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Categories: Divorce Questions   Tags: , , ,

Just take a look at this one, please – a True Love question?

Epic Fail Asked: Just take a look at this one, please – a True Love question?

I found my true love in 2005. I was only a teenager at the time and was told it couldn't be true love so many times, along with complications, that I began to believe it and we ended up breaking up only a month or so prior to our marriage a few years after meeting him. I jumped into another relationship with someone I hardly knew and married him a month later, and ended up getting pregnant, and after my daughter was born, a divorce. (many complicated details here) I could never get my True love out of my head or my heart, and we stayed in contact on and off every since, trying again two or three more times, but always at the worst moments. I tried to live my life without him, seeing as I had made the choice to marry someone else and chose to try not to be with my true love. I tried so hard to push him out of my life, out of my heart, etc. to no prevail. After six months of no contact with him, and only a phone call then (before that I hadn't talked to him in 4 or 5 months) I ended up talking with him, and he told me everything I already knew and felt and tried to suppress. So it seems after so many years, after so much history and complications, he still feels the same as I do, and always have. I haven't brought him into my daughters life, just in case and due to our history. He's with someone else, but she's not the 'marrying type' and says how much he wants to grow old with me and experience life together with me, etc all of our hopes and dreams. At first I thought he was pulling my leg, then i was out raged that after so long in suppressing everything, in one simple conversation everything i worked for was for nothing, all of my feelings came out of the box i thought i had secured it in. I don't know I'm just so overwhelmed with thoughts and emotion right now so please forgive me if I get off track. He tried to reasure me this evening but i still worry

The point is, after everything that has happened, it is still certain we are soul mates, to what extent should we act on this? I am willing to give up everything for him, exception my daughter and her development. He's willing to give up everything, but is afraid to because if it doesn't work out again he doesn't think he could recover and he can be decently happy in the life he's trying to build in the long run. What would you suggest? Leave him be try to re-suppress my feelings and let him be decently happy or to not let this opportunity pass us up and jump at it and try again?

Please be honest, but not purposely harsh.

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Posted by admin - October 4, 2011 at 12:30 am

Categories: Divorce Questions   Tags: , ,