Posts tagged "Liz Answered"

Is she depressed– important?

Rosabeth Asked: Is she depressed– important?

She's my best friend of 12 years. She's 14. We were very close. About a month ago, she started acting wacky. Here's why I'm not sure…

– she's always had low self-esteem
– she's always had an interest in school
– math is hard for her

Here are the things that have changed

– can't focus in algebra
– sleeping habits changed– gets on internet instead
– has stopped eating a lot… loses weight
– completely ignores me and hangs out with the "dumb" girls
– doesn't want to hang out anymore
– stayed at home on Halloween to sleep
– has low self-esteem
– cries for no reason
– recalls dead relative
– has always been stressed
– is going to therapist
– has, in past, been counseled for anger issues
– used to be bullied
– dad isn't great parent; he's divorced and she travels to see him 2 weekends a month.
– not good with social things
– pressured to be smart by dad
– may or may not be on antidepressants

Is she depressed? Do I talk to her? We got in a fight last night. I don't want her to get hurt. I just want my friend back.

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Posted by admin - November 1, 2011 at 9:30 pm

Categories: Divorce Questions   Tags: , , ,

Seriously, I am being pressed to leave my church, due to the fact of my husband not being evenly yok

TINA W Asked: Seriously, I am being pressed to leave my church, due to the fact of my husband not being evenly yok

beliefs, I left my church before.. Prior to marriage, and he did not follow as christ anticpates on us to do, so now We are married and its the same situation. My heart loves christ and my church family. and can see in the spiritual realm of what he is trying to do. So.. I am ready to trust in GOD and end this marriage.

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Posted by admin -  at 4:00 pm

Categories: Divorce Questions   Tags: , , ,

I think I love my husband as just a friend. What should I do?

Nicki Asked: I think I love my husband as just a friend. What should I do?

My husband and I have been married for a year and a half and do not have any children.He was the first person I ever dated and I believe perhaps because of that, I mistook a deep friendship connection for love and ended up marrying him.I thought there was physical attraction as well because we couldn't keep our hands (and other body parts) off of each other before we were married and for a couple of months after our wedding.Now, only a year and a half later, when most couples are just coming out of the honeymoon phase, we honestly only have sex about twice a month.This is not because he doesn't want to; it's because I don't want to and always come up with an excuse not to when he tries (which I know is terrible).I feel like I am having sex with a friend, not a lover; and on top of this (and probably because of it) I am not sexually satisfied by our relationship.This has also lead to other problems on my end, like wanting to flirt and get close with other guys, which makes me feel like a whore, but I know it's because I am not sexually satisfied within my marriage.Another element that adds to my desire to flirt with other guys is the fact that I am only 22 and if I wasn't already married, that's what I would be doing.To add further to all of this, now that we are married, I am realizing he is so opposite of my personality that he drives me insane a lot of the time – an issue that did not come into play when we were just friends – which, I'm sure, contributes to my lack of physical attraction to him.Should I express all this to him, break his heart, and – knowing him – send him into a depression for a chance at ultimately piecing our relationship back together, even though I am not attracted anymore?Should I express all this to him as an intro to telling him I think we shouldn't have gotten married and we should go our separate ways?Or should I be happy that I feel a deep friendship connection to someone who wanted to marry me and just enjoy that, giving up the hope of finding a man who compliments my personality more and for whom I have a passionate sexual desire?

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Posted by admin - October 26, 2011 at 6:00 am

Categories: Divorce Questions   Tags: , , ,

what the hell is he playing at?

punter Asked: what the hell is he playing at?

imdivorcing my husband at last..he is controlling in every degree, ive been frightened of him for many years mentally, now im ready for divorce, i really can not take no more.
he hasnt spoken to any of my friends or their husbands for over 2 years, although they do text him every now and then.
but now all of a sudden he is texting them back…why/
he could cause me trouble with them do you think this is his intention?

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Posted by admin - October 25, 2011 at 7:00 pm

Categories: Divorce Questions   Tags: ,

My husband constantly ‘forgets’ to do things that he doesn’t want to do?

James Asked: My husband constantly ‘forgets’ to do things that he doesn’t want to do?

We've been together for 6 years and this problem has been getting worse and worse. I'm to the point where I feel like ending our marriage over it, which is really sad, but he refuses to fix the problem.

The latest 'issue' he's having is taking out the trash. We share a house with my elderly parents (splitting all the payments) and we've done so for 4 years now. The trash pickup has been the same the whole time. My mother has a condition which makes it difficult for her to do anything physical and my father works away from home during the week. Since my husband refuses to 'remember' to take out the trash, I'm always left to do it. Since I don't work (besides the housework and caring for my mother), I never complain about it.

In the past there was an incident where I forgot to put the trash out the night before and my mom asked my husband to take it out as he was walking out the door to go to work the next morning. He said okay. He had to walk past the trash bags by the door on his way out and past the garbage cans outside on his way to the car. He still didn't do it. My mother is obsessive compulsive and when he does things like this I always take the brunt of her outbursts about it.

When he got home that night I explained how she lost it and took it out on me (which he knows she always does) and that she even threatened to move which would mean we'd have no place to live since we can't afford all the bills ourselves. He said he was just in a hurry and 'forgot' so I let it go.

A few weeks later my parents went out of town for the week. When garbage pickup came around I happened to be extremely ill, but my husband assured me he'd take care of it on his way to work in the morning so not to worry about it.The next morning, of course it was still there. Again he claimed he forgot, but that he could take it to the dumpsters where he works so it wouldn't stay there until the next week and my mother wouldn't flip out. The next day he took the one bag still left in the house, but said he 'forgot' the 3 bags already in the can and that he'd take those the next day. For the next 4 days I left written reminders for him on the bathroom mirror so he'd see them in the morning, and every morning they were gone so I know he saw them. Every morning the trash was still there. Finally I just asked him straight out why he didn't do it, knowing that my mother was coming home and would undoubtedly take it out on me, and that we could even end up homeless for something so stupid. He claimed that he'd taken 2 of the bags that morning but there was just one left. When I checked the next morning all 3 bags were still there.

I'm just completely baffled why he would blatantly not do this one simple thing knowing how it's upsetting me, and then LIE about it. And then call me on the phone that same day and act as if nothing is wrong like I'm so stupid I won't know that he's lying to me. What the hell is wrong with him? Can somebody seriously be this lazy? If anyone has any ideas I'd really like to hear them because I seriously can't take this anymore. It's like living with a child instead of a 29 year old man.

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Posted by admin - October 21, 2011 at 4:00 pm

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Boyfriend/girlfriend or friends with benefits?

Sabriel Asked: Boyfriend/girlfriend or friends with benefits?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year (next week is our one year anniversary.) We hardly get to see each other (maybe once a week or once every two weeks). Whenever we hang out, it's usually at my house because we're so tired and we end up watching a movie, making out, etc… He and I are in college and I'm 21 and he's 22. The thing is, it doesn't feel like we're that close. We haven't gone out in a long while. (since august.)
Last night when we were messing around he said "f*** me, please" as if he were really turned on. I don't know if that's really appropriate or loving to say. Does it sound like we're serious? He says "I love you" to me still and I will sometimes to him. We just sort of have this system where that's what we do to hang out. He comes over and then we kiss each other and such since it's been so long since we saw each other.

Is this a good, normal relationship? (we don't have sex and don't plan to until marriage)

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Posted by admin -  at 4:00 pm

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do most married couples think about divorce sometime about there marriage when things go wrong?

N H Asked: do most married couples think about divorce sometime about there marriage when things go wrong?

I have a rather eye raising situation.I will condense it as much as possible.My wife and I hit it off b/c we shared the same interests.She lived in a different state at the time and I would visit her a couple times a month.

I'll just jump right into it now…so the 3rd time that I visited her.. she told me she was not using birth control but she used Plan B – morning after pill- (which I saw her take) some weeks go by…and she is pregnant this would be the first child for both of us.I dropped 10lbs in a week from the anxiety I had.I was in an 11 year career and was ready to give it up to support my first born son.So I told her I had some loose ends I needed to talk care oflike a loan against my 401k that I needed to pay back before I give my 2 weeks.I did not have anything in place but was ready to risk it.I was really freaking out.. wanting to make sure things are in place with my financially no loans etc before I moved.Good luck came my way…the state I was moving to there was a co-worker there that just put in her 2 weeks..so I jumped on the opportunity.Got the job moved up.. Feb 10.. baby came late march… we got married in Nov. New house Dec.

Ive noticed she has become very dishonist when it comes to money.2 months after I moved up there was a knock at the door.These guys came to repo her car?!I told her why didn't you just tell me we could've avoided that.Ever since that happened I can seem to trust her with anything financially.I take my credit very seriously.. but would you consider this lying? She is not open with her accounts I just don't like that she is hiding it.

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Posted by admin - October 17, 2011 at 2:00 am

Categories: Divorce Questions   Tags: , , ,

I’ve got a question about dating and marriage?

robin Asked: I’ve got a question about dating and marriage?

Why do people do it? I know I ask this kind of question all the time but I'm seriously plagued by the thought of it. I just dont get why people want to pair together and claim each other so exclusively and call it "love". It just seems like such BS to me. The fact that everybody wants to do it only makes wonder what is enticing about it. To me, there are nothing but reason to NOT to date and marry and absolutely no reasons to do it other than for possible financial reasons. I just don't buy the whole fairytale nonesense. The thought that two people were "meant to be together". When I say this people always tell me that same crap story about how I just havent found that special person yet. I just want to look at them and say, Found what person? I'm not looking for anyone. I just literally cannot stand companionship. I dont see why people take it so seriously. I'm not depressed for never having a date. I'm depressed that I live in a world where such stupid and ridiculous things such as dating and marriage are at the forefront of people's goals, decisions, and traditions. So my question is, is there anybody else in the world who sees it the same way I do? I cant pretend that I think its fine anymore. I think it is very dumb and alot of people find that out when their marriage ends and the so-called "love" they thought they felt doesnt exist. Does anyone else think the same way I do?

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Posted by admin -  at 2:00 am

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What can be done if one spouse wants children, but the other doesn’t?

MortalGuardian Asked: What can be done if one spouse wants children, but the other doesn’t?

Please read my novella, which is to follow. This situation is complex. Please remain patient with me as I explain everything.

My wife and I are in our mid 30's. We got married three years ago in December. Married life has treated me well. I am thankful to be married. My wife is a wonderful young lady. She and I have a lot of compatibility. However, there are some rather important issues that may be of concern. One of these issues is having children.

We dated for about two years before getting married. She told me that she wanted lots and lots of kids. In fact, at one point, I remember her saying that she actually wanted ten children. She has this fantasy of owning a farm, and having everyone chip in with the chores. But her thoughts about having so many children was years ago. Now, she is a little more realistic. She seems to want perhaps 2 or 3 kids. She is afraid of growing old and being alone. For example, she dreads ending up in a nursing home one day in the distant future, and she's afraid of being completely bereft of family. So one of the reasons she wants kids is so that she doesn't die alone. I know that in the existential sense, we are all ultimately alone in this world. But my wife doesn't believe that.

Before we got married, I told her that I do not want any children. I think that the relationship almost ended. She was very devastated when I told her this. I felt badly, too, because I felt selfish. You see, I am afraid of responsibility. Having a child would change my life permanently. My wife and I are mentally ill. I have severe OCD- she has severe Bipolar II. We are living with her maternal grandmother, in an upstairs bedroom. Yes, we pay rent, but it's a nominal amount. We want our own place to live, but we don't have the means now to accomplish that. Again, I am petrified of having any kids at all, because I can barely take care of myself. My wife can barely take care of herself. I have made tremendous progress towards independence, but I am still battling an ensemble of different issues. I struggle to keep jobs. I am trying to attend college, in order to become a teacher. My wife, like myself, is disabled. We are both physically fine, except we're both overweight. We are disabled because of the mental disorders. But we aren't totally impaired or incapacitated. We can do some things, but we have both had a few setbacks that have hindered our flight from the proverbial nest.

So basically, that is it. We saw a pre-marriage counselor, and he pointed out this dilemma. He said that one of us wanting children and the other not wanting them would be problematic. I guess his words fell on deaf ears. I was lonely, desperate, and worried about growing old alone. I can't speak for my wife. I suppose that I thought that no one else would love me or accept me, because I am very controlling. Yes, we love each other. Yes, we are both Christians. Yes, we have some degree of compatibility. But this children issue is not going to go away, and I realize that. She is not to be condemned for wanting to have children- it's completely natural. Perhaps I am an aberration, because most people do indeed want to have children. I guess I am selfish.

I chose to marry this woman, knowing good and well that she wanted kids. She chose to marry me, knowing that I didn't. But perhaps I have been leading her on. Perhaps I was not clear enough. Maybe we believed that we had to be together, for whatever reason or reasons. This was both of our first marriages. My illness isolates me. My wife is also mostly a homebody. We do not socialize much at all with the outside world, although we do not hate people. We just like being by ourselves most of the time. I think that many family members might really misunderstand us. They might make assumptions, and never bother to find out if they are accurate. I digress.

I might change my mind some day, if we get financially stable. We need our own place to live. We need to be at least moderately successful. Am I setting landmarks here, or am I just being realistic? I know that there is never, ever a "perfect" time to have kids. But my wife is 35 now. She is worried that she may never have kids, and she doesn't want to have that privilege taken away (which is quite understandable). I can have kids anytime I like. Her time is limited. So this problem is getting a little more urgent as we grow older. I don't know what can be done.

What can we do to peacefully, lovingly resolve this dilemma?

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Posted by admin - October 8, 2011 at 3:30 am

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Is it fair or hypocritical for my husband to take care of his ex-girlfriend’s daughter and she’s NOT

Stephanie Asked: Is it fair or hypocritical for my husband to take care of his ex-girlfriend’s daughter and she’s NOT

This is a screwed up situation. I've been with my husband Blake for 6 years(legally married for three). I started dating Blake in 2005 while he was still in a relationship with his son's mother Faye. Okay, it was wrong for me to be involved with a man who was already taken but Faye is a SLUT and she was cheating on Blake just as much as he was cheating on her. So, I felt no remorse and I still don't. Faye found out she was pregnant the same year I met Blake, so Blake dumped me to "make it work with her". And guess what? He came back to me less than a month later when it DIDN'T work out and they broke up for good. But Blake and I continued dating. In early 2006, Faye gave birth to her daughter and told Blake that it was only a 5% chance that the little girl isn't his.

Okay, the son that Blake and Faye have together looks EXACTLY like Blake. The little girl, on the other hand, looks NOTHING like Blake. Even when the DNA test confirmed that Blake is NOT the girl's father, he decided to take responsibility because the biological father wanted nothing to do with her. So I tried to respect Blake's decision to accept the little girl as his daughter. Blake and I got married in 2008 and had our own daughter together in 2009. "If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you", <SO TRUE. 7 months ago, Blake banged some other woman in our apartment and the evil skank stole our rent money which led to our eviction. I was so mad. I told Blake I wanted a divorce(of course we never went through with it), so I took our daughter and moved in with my parents until I found another apartment. While Blake and I were separated, I had sex with this other guy a few times and I ended up pregnant. The jerk disappeared once I told him. So, being weak and vulnerable, I begged Blake to come back home to me and our daughter. I also asked if he would raise the child I was pregnant with as his own. Blake said he'll come back home ONLY if I get an abortion. It wasn't an easy decision but I did it for the sake of my marriage. I still think about it and cry sometimes. Anyway, Blake is back at home with me and our 2-year old daughter. Of course, he's still being a good father to the son he has with Faye but I can't help but feel resentful that he's also being a father to Faye's daughter when she is NOT his child. He took responsibility for that little girl even though she's NOT his yet he asked his own WIFE to get an abortion just because it was another man's baby? Am I wrong to feel hurt? What should I say to him?

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Posted by admin - October 3, 2011 at 8:00 am

Categories: Divorce Questions   Tags: , , ,

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