Posts tagged "REALLY"

Spiritually speaking, should I dump my girlfriend?

Hugo Asked: Spiritually speaking, should I dump my girlfriend?

We just had our third date and she informed me she is saving herself for marriage.Since 100% of marriages in which the couple did not have sex before hand ends in divorce or one person in the couple murdering the other, should I just end it now?

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Posted by admin - November 1, 2011 at 9:30 pm

Categories: Divorce Questions   Tags: ,

How long can postpartum depression last and what are common symptoms?

LeftBehind2Scar Asked: How long can postpartum depression last and what are common symptoms?

My wife and I started a family real young. When we first met, she was in college and I had a decent paying job. Because we were madly in love, after only 2 months of dating she quit college and moved 2 hours south of her hometown to live with me in an apartment. 1 month later we found out she was pregnant (2 months along) and that's when our relationship changed dramatically. We had our first kid when I was 20 and she just turned 21. We had our second when I was 24 and she was 25. Today, I am 29 and my wife is 30. I'm really worried about my wife's addiction of (dependence on) the children and I need your advice if it's a valid concern and if any of you have went through what I'm about to say. The more I read about it, the more it sounds like postpartum depression that just never went away from my first child's birth.

My wife is very avoidant when it comes to our marriage. When there's a conflict, she either wants to not resolve it (talk in circles to avoid progress or argue about petty things to distract me) or she wants to end the marriage entirely and claims she "never loved me"… I can't deal with unresolved conflict; not to mention emotional abuse when she threatens divorce to end an argument and sweep it under the rug.

My children are virtually smothered. When she sits on the couch to watch a movie, she has raised the children (9 and 5) to sit next to her and cuddle her while watching it. If the children (normally my 9 year old) don't react this way at first, she will call them over for "cuddle time".

My wife also controls what the kids do outside of school. I don't know if this is normal, but my wife wants to have the kids do lots of activities after school because she wants them to be exposed to many things. Cub scouts, soccer, karate, dance, daisy scouts, swimming… Mind you, we can't afford all these things, but her girlfriends (Moms that are 5 years or older than her) can so she tries to put the kids in classes that these women put their children in so they can "socialize".

Intimacy with her is a joke. I can't discuss our future together (only her future without me). I can't discuss sex because she is not comfortable with her sexuality still (not my fault, apparently some kids played "doctor" with her and made her feel uncomfortable). I can't talk about my feelings and the marriage. But what I *CAN* talk about is the children, her work, and family vacations she wants to take the kids on…

On Facebook, she is a very politically correct poster. She doesn't post ANYTHING except news about her kids and pictures of the kids (none of me – no exaggeration either). On my Facebook, she will try to tell me what is "appropriate" to post online and what isn't; so I've retorted to posting pictures of myself, the kids, and just playing games online since I can't enjoy having a Facebook like everyone else…

Now, I'm currently a stay at home dad (I lost my job that supported the family and because of a major back injury and because I have NO college education, I'm without work). When I was working, the house was NEVER clean; she spent all her time devoted to the children and set the expectations of attention REALLY high for me when I came home. I'm not one to have a dirty house; even though my spine is fractured and I have arthritis (with no pain meds), I still try to have the house perfect but equally give the kids attention when they ask for it. But because of her conditioning, the kids want attention ALL THE TIME!!!

Now, my son and I have ADHD. This complicates the matters more because my wife doesn't understand that it's a result of slow brain development and always being 3 to 5 years behind the development of other people their age; she's convinced it's a result of bad parenting and not enough discipline (which is NOT true). And here's the kicker, my son didn't start showing signs of ADHD (in her eyes) until I was an at home dad… So she's blaming ME for his ADHD and his difficulties in school…

I don't know, can someone analyze this post and tell me if it sounds like postpartum depression? Or is it bipolar? Or is it PTSD?

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Posted by admin -  at 4:00 pm

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Should I tell my friend that she is getting a bad reputation?

LittleOldMe Asked: Should I tell my friend that she is getting a bad reputation?

I have a friend that is 23 and I've known for about 2 years and we always got on well but I started to support her a lot after she told me that she is getting a divorce. I didn't think they would end up getting divorced as they had only been married 11 months but now the divorce has been filed and she hasn't spoken to him since. The problem is that before she married him she was with a guy who was very unreliable and a bit of a user so she split up with him but straight after someone introduced her to her husband they ended up marrying within a few months and obviously it hasn't worked out but since they split up in mid september she has already been on dates with 3 separate guys and been speed dating. I told her that the best thing to do now is focus on herself and her career so she can support herself and get her own place as she moved back into her parents house after leaving her marital home. But now I've heard other people making comments about her and that she is behaving like a tart who never had respect for her marriage. In terms of her husband she said he wasn't good to her but obviously I can't comment on their private relationship but I do think she should have time before rushing into another relationship. She has already started talking about marrying again and how all these guys are interested in her but I worry she is setting herself up to be used. Should I tell her that she is getting a bad reputation and more so that she is setting herself up to get hurt??

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Posted by admin - October 31, 2011 at 12:30 pm

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Husband drama & how to handle the situation- advice please! Messy… sorry?

Asked: Husband drama & how to handle the situation- advice please! Messy… sorry?

Ok, its a very long story but to sum it up. Wife was diagnosed with a very aggressive cancer in July shes currently stage III & not improving. Hubby was very loving & supportive following diagnosis. However she finds that he has been having an emotional affair online with a 19 year old. She goes a little crazy feeling betrayed and hurt that he would be doing these things when she was so sick & needed him more than ever. He was texting this girl 24 hours a day, sneaking out to the gas station at night to call her & whatnot. Even made plans to meet up in a hotel room with her & was already discussing marriage & the prospect of babies. Wife has already miscarried 2 of his children so takes the child thing as a very personal low blow… She reviews the phone bill religiously & watches his every move obsessively. So focused on his wandering that she hasnt been tending to her health at all. Sort of an unwelcome distraction I suppose. He swears to her it will stop that he is done and the girl meant nothing at all. but as time goes on it only gets worse and more intense. He treats wife like she is stupid and will not be able to find out, she resorts to more desperate, conniving measures like stealing his phone, sim card & hacking all of his accounts. Hoping that one day she will be proven just a paranoid wife & find nothing but everytime, there is more to be found. He tells the girl how in love with her he is and has made up an entire fantasy world to escape the reality of his dying, now nearly psychotic wife… Meanwhile, wife also finds a text thread with an acquaintance of hers who's a former employee of husband. He and she go on regarding the situation and the friend says some very awful, untrue things about the wife but rather than defending wife as she would have expected him to hubby allows it and ends the conversation by very eloquently making a reference to the acquaintance'soral sex capabilities and says he will be masturbating to the thought later on. Wife confronts him & he laughs it off stating that it is harmless flirtation and means absolutely nothing.. Wife is furious and upset…. Wife wants both women cut from their lives & although he agrees to do so and promises even, he drags it out for months. Wife is emotionally & psychologically tortured but doesn't have the strength to leave and still loves him. Long story short they are at a standstill. Hubby admits wrongdoing but cannot agree that what he has done was an affair or that he is a cheater because there was no physical penetration involved. He added the acquaintance on facebook but couldnt understand why wife got upset. Continues getting apps on his hone that allow contact with the 19 yr old without it appearing on the bill. Has become very manipulative and although hes promised full transparency & disclosure has failed to give it as the longest he has gone without talking to the girl since july was a total of 4 consecutive days… shouldnt his wife be worth more than4 days?Perhaps outside opinion on matters would help? She really needs to focus on recovery as all the stress is making her decline even faster. TIPS?????

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Posted by admin - October 23, 2011 at 12:00 pm

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Keep changing my mind about my bf..what do I do? Help :(?

OhhhAlicia Asked: Keep changing my mind about my bf..what do I do? Help :(?

we've been together for 10 months and I'm not going to lie, it's been the worst 10 months ever. in the beginning of the relationship it was REALLY bad. I used to talk to a lot of guys and hung out with them alot. My boyfriend got so mad because he's the really jealous type. I told him I would stop but I didn't so I just lied to him because I didn't see a problem with me hanging out with just friends that are guys. He ended up breaking up with me and finding another girl. He ignored me for a couple weeks until he started talking to me saying he will take me back when I've changed. This was when he was with the other girl but I didn't find out about her until 2 months later. Anyways, he asked me for nudes saying this would be a good way to show that I love him. I sent them like an idiot because I didn't know he was lying to me this whole time. He also had phone sex with this girl and also got nudes from her and he told me he didn't care about her so he basically used her.

When we got back together i was totally honest with him but he was still lying to me. I know him better than anyone else and I can just tell when he's lying. I hear it in his voice. He's lied to me alot and then he gets mad at me when I find out telling me I have no idea what I'm talking about. Even though he's put me through hell i still love him to death but when we break up I find myself saying I won't ever have a boyfriend again and then I start missing him so I run back to him and when I run back to him I change my mind again saying I dont want him. What do I do? Its like I want to be with him but then the next day I don't even care about him.

We've been broken up for about a month now and I've been depressed and happy at the same time. I want him but then when I think of everything I dont but then I start crying. Also I keep running back to him saying I want him back. then when I do that i feel so stupid. I did that last night and we were talking on the phone and I was crying telling him how much I love and miss him. He didn't seem like he cared at all. We are always fighting and he told me if I want to go be with someone else I could because at this point he doesn't care. I know he's been lying too. I just heard it in his voice but I didn't say anything. I asked if he wanted to be with someone else and his response was "no,….who would I wanna be with?" I know theres another girl he wants to be with. He said he will give this relationship one more shot for it to be good, but I'm not the problem, he is. Last night I was so depressed and I woke up not wantng him anymore. What should I do? I don't want tell him this because we will fight. Should I just stop talking to him completely and delete his number and him on facebook? All my friends say he's no good and keep hurting me and I need to forget about him. 🙁

I want some advice from older people thats why it's in marriage and divorce.

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Posted by admin - October 22, 2011 at 2:00 pm

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Should a relationship REALLY be based on sexual compatibility, ultimately?

PeachyDandy Asked: Should a relationship REALLY be based on sexual compatibility, ultimately?

Some people can go on all night.To each his or her own.I personally am not a fan of fornication because I hate the idea of sex being the main deciding factor for marriage.That's the way it is for some people anyway.Like I said, to each his or her own.My ex is an all-nighter kind of guy.I couldn't keep up with him.The way he sees it, is that good, hard sex in every imaginable way is the way people should express their love for each other.I think that people don't have to go on all night. To me, it's unheard of.Sometimes cuddling can be a great form of affection as well.

There were so many things about him that were vague to me anyway.I wish I had found out more.But, we broke up a couple of weeks ago.He seems to be throwing his life away in some way; often depressed.He is needy of love.We all are!I am too, but don't feel that someone has to be extra sexual to express their love.

Our relationship was LONG DISTANCE (2 different states), so I couldn't see him all the time.So whatever was bothering him; I couldn't help him.We saw each other sometimes though (he came to visit me, I visited him, etc.), andwe spent HOURS on skype as well.All the time.Almost every day for a year.Still, at some point toward the end,I felt him shutting me out, even though at one point we were in VERY close connection (and I later realized it's because I couldn't keep up with him, sexually).

This SUCKS.I know it's hopeless.Because he is the way he is, and I am the way I am.But we sure identified with each other on a deep emotional level.I've never had that with anyone.No matter which guy expresses an interest in me at this point, it's just…never ever the same.And I AM trying to keep an open mind to someone new.But no, again it's never the same.It's very easy for me to get a date (esp. with online dating being so popular and convenient these days if you are not very outgoing or are a busy parent).But, to find the RIGHT person?It's damn hard.And VERY frustrating.Especially since I'm a single mom. Brings down my self esteem.Never mind my age.I wish I was married. I am definitely getting older.I wish I was married to my ex and we worked things outAnd yes, I DID take the initiative to break up with him.But, that's because I saw him backing away from me.He was confused that I'm not an all-night type of person.

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Posted by admin - September 30, 2011 at 3:00 am

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How do I help my really sensitive friend?

Liliana Asked: How do I help my really sensitive friend?

Okay so my friends and I have a pretty big group that we hang out with at lunch. One of my friends can be REALLY annoying, but lately, she's been really sensitive about things. She can be childish, especially for her age, and as I said before, she can be annoying. But she's starting to cry a lot lately and she's becoming more distant from all of us. She's usually kind of clingy.
I know that her parents are divorced (for how long, I dont know) and she says her dad is mean (i dont know the extent of that either). She told me that her mom's really far away, (across the country I think.) but I don't know if that's all or just a part.
She's still being annoying, but it's just less with that and more with the depression. I may sound mean, but she's my friend and I want to help her, but I don't know how!

Please help! D:

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Posted by admin - September 24, 2011 at 4:00 am

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Is my relationship over? I dont understand my feelings..would appreciate advice.?

K M Asked: Is my relationship over? I dont understand my feelings..would appreciate advice.?

I was with my exhusband for 8years, We have a 4yr old son together and We divorced one year ago this past July. After we separated in July 2months later I met another guy, I wasn't looking he just popped up into my life and started out as friends and I just couldn't see me being happy again without him.
We've been together a year next month and I'll be honest my feelings just all of a sudden left for him.
I just recently started college, I also just started a job and my son started preschool/daycare which has been hard (after being a stay at home mom for almost 4years with my son!) and I'm not sure if this has something to do with it or what? I still miss my ex every single day, its been over a year and I can still find myself out of no where crying about him. But our marriage was really not even a marriage, we use to be wonderful together but he has always been selfish though and we eventually grew apart.
I just don't understand why out of all this time being with my now boyfriend my feelings suddenly shifted. I keep thinking maybe I have hung onto him because of some unconsious feeling of using him without even knowing it to get over my ex and on with my life, but I am not that type of person at all. He is a great guy, is great with my son and we get a long great but I'm even finding myself to find him less attractive and just feeling like a dead end with him and I don't understand why. I'm finding myself also scared to death to leave him or ask for a little break because I don't want to be alone and while this may sound selfish the sad part is I don't even honestly know if that is what I want. Or is everything just a little to much right now..
My friends say they think it is because I have all these new responsibilities and I am just trying to get use to juggling it all and things will return to normal but I just dont know anymore.

Has anyone else been through something like this? How do you organize your feelings and REALLY know what you want and should do? In the past year and a half my life has been flipped upside down and I feel like for the most part my life is on the right track with school, work and my goals but something always seems like it is missing.
Any advice with how to cope and organize what I am feeling?


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Posted by admin - September 18, 2011 at 10:30 am

Categories: Divorce Questions   Tags: