Posts tagged "Steve Answered"

What is going on here, is it over?

Frank is Back Asked: What is going on here, is it over?

Me and my wife became disconnected from each other over the last two years.There are multiple factors as to why. My work hours are not normal (afternoons), but we always made it work before. We've been married for 12 years with two young kids. She filed for divorce in late August.

After our second child was born she changed and had doubts of her ability to be a good mom. The kids really stressed her out. Then in Jan 09 she lost her job and went in to a depression. She since went back to college p/t and has a year left. She also found out her mom has bad lung cancer several months ago. My wife had a rough childhood and has very bad relations with her Dad.

I told her I would work on our marriage and she agreed. Things were good for two weeks. We had sex, kissed, hugged, and were great to each other. Then she starts giving me the cold shoulder again. I mean completely cut me off so I gave up and she filed.

I knew there was something fishy so I did some poking around and found her diary. Apparently she has been going for walks every morning and met a much older man (69, she is 37!). He is a divorcee too. It said they fell in love on an emotional level and he wanted to have sex with my wife, but my wife wouldn't until she got divorced (I believe it because it was in her secret diary, she didn't tell me this). I realized I do love my wife, but I never had real feelings for her. Our first date was set up by a co-worker because my wife had a crush on me. At the time I didn't have any attraction to her but figured I would just go out and have fun. Love grew though and we had many fun times and some bad times. I don't know what is going on with her now. She is not the person I married.

Not that I was perfect either. I had a 6 month affair with a coworker back in 1999 that was emotional and somewhat physical. What scared me is that I had those initial emotional feelings of attraction and connection tot he girl I had an affair with. We had real feeling for each other. It took me several years to get over the time I spent with her.

I have decided that since me and my wife (and kids) will be in the same house for a few more months that I will be nice and caring. I will just give her her space. I love her and I can't stand the fact of losing my kids and becoming a weekend Dad. It did hurt me to find out she had feeling for someone else. Especially someone so old. Is this because of the problems with her Dad when she was young?

What should I do? I never wanted a divorce. But I am preparing because it very well may be too late.
I have to meet my lawyer again tomorrow to go over a possible settlement. I was thinking of seeing a therapist also. My wife won't. She says she already brought up seeing a therapist for the both of us before, but I do not remember her saying that- ever.

I feel hurt.

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Posted by admin - October 23, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Categories: Divorce Questions   Tags: , , ,

how am i supposed to deal with my parent’s divorce?

Renee Asked: how am i supposed to deal with my parent’s divorce?

i'm a teenager, and honestly i feel like i'm about to have an emotional breakdown because of this. i feel like i wanted their marriage to work more than they did. i KNOW they still love each other! for a fact, they will NEVER stop. they've been together for over 23 years (more than half their lives) and i'm so shocked how they can just throw all of that away! what the hell?! i'm angry, sad, hurt, etc. what do i do, how do i know it's for the best, will everything be okay? please help me.

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Posted by admin -  at 12:00 pm

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what to do for the best?

joinery1 Asked: what to do for the best?

I am 49 with my own house , divorced with 2 sons at home aged 20 22 my partner is 48 divorced with 3 kids and own house 1 child at home and 2 what could come home anytime ! she wants more out of our relationship as do I , but how do we do that ?

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Posted by admin - September 21, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Categories: Divorce Questions   Tags: , , ,

Duuuuuuude! Like, did the impact of 9/11 change your life drastically in any way?

Gnarly Surfer Dude Guy Asked: Duuuuuuude! Like, did the impact of 9/11 change your life drastically in any way?

Duuuuuuude!Like, this might sound strange or selfish to some people, but 9/11 was actually the beginning of the end of my marriage.As of September 2001, I had been married for a little over 5 years to a bipolar witch from Hell and very unhappy in my marriage as well as my job.I'd loved my wife at one time, but years of abuse from her–as well as her refusal to accept her diagnosis and take medication–had made me numb and constantly finding ways to avoid her.The morning of 9/11, I awoke at 7 AM PDT, when it was already 10 AM on the east coast, and the attacks had already happened and I turned on the TV to watch the news before I headed to work.I saw reruns, basically, of the towers on fire and then collapsing, and I thought it was an action film I was watching and not reality.In shock, I still got dressed and drove to my job; the streets here in Los Angeles were deserted and there was no traffic.I got to work and the office manager said she was shutting down for the week and told everyone to go home.

I went home and was glued to the TV for hours, watching in stunned horror and disbelief.I was so in shock that it took me 3 days to finally cry over this.Seeing the loss of lives and hearing about the last phone calls and "I love you" calls made me try to appreciate my wife more.We tried marriage counseling, again, this time with a professional counselor and not through our church as she had insisted on previously.The counselor recognized my wife's mental illness and felt sympathy for her, but at the same time urged me to get out of the marriage if she was unwilling to accept her diagnosis and do something about it, because the abuse was becoming increasingly violent and borderline psychotic.

It was within a year of 9/11 that I had finally had it and I moved out of the house I was still paying for.I had enough of the abuse, threats, unprovoked attacks, and bi-polar rantings from this evil woman who refused to seek help.I gave up practically everything to get out of that horrible marriage, and eventually quit my job as well because I was unhappy there.

So, I became a surf bum for a while, surfing always having been a passion of mine.I actually excelled at it.My wife got the house and everything in it from the divorce; she fought me for every pithy little thing, so I gave it to her, telling her that she cuddle up with a goddam lamp on the sofa and see if it will love her back!Oh, and she also got our church in the divorce as well;she told the pastors and membership so many lies about me that they made me out to be the bad guy for ending the marriage, so I left that church as well.The joke is on her, though:she gave up a pretty good alimony settlement from me in order to re-marry some poor slob from the church right away; I ended up going into business for myself and I'm now worth about $5 million dollars!She doesn't get a penny of it since she remarried–oh, and her second marriage lasted less than two years before the poor slob had enough and divorced her!

So, Duuuuuuude, thanks for reading this long story about how 9/11 changed my life; I decided after 9/11 that I wanted–and deserved–a better life for myself, and I went out and got it.So, how did the impact of 9/11 change your life dramatically?

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Posted by admin - September 11, 2011 at 8:00 am

Categories: Divorce Questions   Tags: , ,