Why does my husband chooses his friends over me_?

selina quintanilla Asked: Why does my husband chooses his friends over me_?

My husband and I have been married for 2 years together for 4, we have a 1 1/2 year old little girl and we are a young couple, my family moved states when i was about 17 and he followed along to be with me, left his job school everything after a few years in this new state we got married had a baby ETC. . . we didn't know anybody here it was just me and him and i liked that. when i was pregnant with our baby there was a few times that after work hedidn't come home until 4 or 5 in the morning to be with some of his new friends i gave him hell about it and for the next year or so he didn't ever do it again. This year has been a hard year for us we almost split up.Through his job he has met a bunch of people. He met a good friend and they became buddies well the thing is his friend is very irresponsible and cheats on his wife all the time, i didn't want my hubby to pick that up so i disliked that they hung around all the time. So his friend has a "friend" that is our age and she was diagnosed with "MS" my husband and i grew alot of love for her (i became a real good friend to her i thought) , behind my back they were both seeing each other and communicating with each other my husband confessed to me that he had a little crush on her i went CRAZY i kicked him out ,she kept it away from me as well as he did, I confronted her and she told me she didn't like him back (BULLSHIT RIGHT?) that she was just there to listen to him and that she never told me because she didn't want me an my man to fight, blah blah blah some bullshit (that just showed me that she was never MY friend after all) . My husband said they never did anything not even a kiss or hug that he was just confused because me and him were going through so much and she was always there to listen. . So due to that we almost got a divorce, my husband begged for a 2nd chance and he is the father to my child and the love of my life. we worked things out and its been like 4 months since that. Well now she is starting to come in the picture again because my husband is starting to talk to his buddy again (which is her roommate) . My husband said that his buddy is his best friend and that he is not going to stop talking to him because of what happened (because its not his fault) He doesn't lie to me he tells me all the time he go's over there and stuff but Im nervous and confused and really angry, i keep asking him why are you doing this? you know i don't trust you because of what happened and you are making it worst by hanging around with them ( she is in their group of friends and they all knew her and my husband were seeing each other behind my back) he tells me that they are just his friends and i shouldn't trip
last night it was a chicks party and they all went out to a bar he asked me permission to go and i told him i cant control you, so if you want to go WELL GO he took it as a yes. He came back and told me all the fun they all had and and that he wasn't near her at all i was just miserable hearing it( i wish i could of went, but like i said i don't affiliate with them anymore and Im sure they don't like me) so i feel that my husband should lose connection with them because it almost ended our marriage. If i had a group of friends that didn't like my husband (which i had before and i cut out of my life ) i wouldn't be their friends because my hubby is more important to me. I need advice ;/ why does my husband chooses his stupid friends over me what do i do i know we are young (22) but i know better then that, and he doesn't ? . GRRRR please help me out guys


Savannah Answered:
He does this because he is 22.I know its not a good answer, but he isn't mature enough to realize what should be important.

eahill582002 Answered:
Trust your instincts, he is seeing her again, and does not care about your feelings, you have given him a second chance, he has thrown it back in your face, move back home, and you will be with people who really care about you, you deserve better, you have done the best you can in this situation,very fair to him, given him enough chances, cut your losses before he causes you any more pain.

craft painter Answered:
There is really not much you can do because you really cannot expect him to drop his friendship but I would not let him go alone. I would want to be there with him each and every time he was around any of them.You may not like being around them but at least this way you can see what is going on and do something about it if you need to.
Staying away is only making you wonder and worry about it and cause even more mistrust between you, but if you are there to watch and see what is going on then at least you can know for a fact what is really going on and how to deal with it all.

Hl Jenkins Answered:
They whine a lot less than you do.

Life Coach Answered:
You don't want to hear this but you need to. You both are young and the younger you are the more your youth wants to present itself on the surface. By being married and already having a kid, to a man that is like being chained up and locked down. The more young people get married in their 20's, the more likely they are to divorce and end up having kids they don't really want, like your situation. He still wants to have fun but he has an old ball and chain at the house and a child I'm sure was really not planned. Most men in their 20's want their cake and eat it too. I tell all my clients that getting married is NEVER good especially in their 20's and for sure NO kids at that age as well, look at your situation. I get that a lot and more and more people get divorced because they find out the hard way. Your 20's are for fun, your 30's to learn from those mistakes, your 40's to keep a great career so that your 50's are a set up for retirement. I don't know what to tell you but stop having kids and learn from this mistake. Good Luck

Alli8833 Answered:
(1) have a FINAL conversation about the event and then take a FIRM decision. A thief will not admit he is a thief even if he is caught red handed. If he gets upset then he has something to hide. If not, you will feel it without a single doubt about what he is telling you.

To be honest with you, your husband is in the middle of a crisis asking himself why he got married. So if i were you, (2) get a hold of yourself, do not show weakness YET. (3) Make sure you know what is going on but at the same time go out with friends, have fun, flirt a little and make sure he sees it and you will see how it affects him. (4) If it doesn't bother him then end it while you can. Do not let yourself suffer from a marriage molded in lies and infidelity. (5) A woman's instinct never goes wrong because we were built to care and be attached to whoever we love. It is a scientific fact. We are built to nurture and love, and whatever happens behind our backs this senses will send us a stinging signal. (6) Listen to it, but don't be caught off guard because of emotions.

(7) Don't worry because in the end if things go for the worse, there goes the man-made divorce. You are young, don't be afraid to take a stand. you have years ahead of you and will certainly find a better if not the best person who will love you faithfully. BUT this time make sure you get to know at least 60% of the person before getting into marriage again.

Ravenys Black Answered:
I think the child is very unhappy.
I also think that neither you nor your fiance understand behavior modification or how to deal with children.This kid is running rings around you … it's deliberate.She's just unconsciously learned how to get her way.

For starters … if you buy food for her, that's what she gets to eat.Don't go supplying more food and certainly don't supply candy.She needs to learn to order wisely … to order what she will eat.And you need to ensure that she is getting the nutrients her body needs … candy is not one of the food groups.

Just who is in charge in this household anyway?You don't have to be cruel or punishing, but you do need to set expectations for her behavior, with natural consequences, and live by them.The parenting role is to help the child grow up … to learn both the material and psychological skills that create a happy life as an adult.She whines and cries because she gets some sort of reward for doing so.
I would suggest you two take a bit of family counselling to discuss this with an expert in modifying the behavior of children.You and your fiance need to grow up into parenthood really quickly, or this child will give you nothing but grief (drugs, law, etc) well into her adulthood.

As for your own part, you seem to have a very low frustration tolerance, particularly for the whining of kids.Get over it.Grow up.

Been There Answered:
You might want to re-think the marriage until you get this under control.She is 5 and she knows she can get her way by whining.Having a strong personality is one thing, but being a brat is another.If you don't get a handle on this now, how do you think she is going to be when she is a teen.You are the adult, she is the child.Your fiance and you need to have a long discussion about this behavior before you go into this long term.I wish you the best.

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